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Last party I went to before COVID met a guy who worked in finance who told me he was an “experiences manager” and got defensive when I asked him what experiences he manages.

Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago. Also, we update this list weekly, so be sure to scroll for past winners!

Me: NO! NO! I HADN'T 'HEARD' OF ELF ON THE SHELF THEY JUST APPEARED ONE DAY WITH EVERYONE ACTING LIKE THEY'RE SOME ANCIENT CHRISTMAS TRADITION BUT THEY'RE NOT. WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?? WHAT DO THEY WANT FROM US???

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Thinking about the time I drunkenly spilled an entire bowl of soup on my new macbook & then tried to tell the apple store it just broke out of nowhere & then the guy had to look me in the eye & say “we opened it up and there’s just…so much soup in here…like chunks of carrots..”

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