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I don’t know about you, but every time someone has a birthday I feel likebirthday jokesare totally needed. But sometimes jokes are hard to come up with! So we are sharing the very best birthday jokes to include in cards, tell them in person, or on the phone.

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week, I asked her what she wanted as a present.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “Just give me something with diamonds.”

That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

Every year on my birthday, I looked forward to my aunt's gift—a scarf, hat, or sweater knitted by hand. One year, she must have had better things to do because I received a ball of yarn, knitting needles, and a how-to-knit book. Her card read "Scarf, some assembly required."

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Because it was my brother's birthday, our mom wanted to do something special. She called his fraternity house and said she wanted to bring a cake. The young man who took the call was very excited. "Hey, Mrs. Schaeffer," he said, "that would be great!"

The next day she drove to the fraternity and rang the doorbell. The same boy answered the door. When he saw the cake, his face fell. "Oh," he said, clearly disappointed. "I thought you said 'keg.' "

As a single, never-married woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by friends, relatives and co-workers. Over the years I've noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries.

In my teens, friends would ask, "Who are you going out with this weekend?"

In my 20s, relatives would say, "Who are you dating?"

In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, "So, are you dating anyone?"

Now people ask, "Where did you get that adorable purse?"

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