funny clean hospital jokes

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A man goes to the hosipital and says, “Doctor, I think I’m a bit hard of hearing”. The doctor replies “Can you describe the symptoms?” The man says “Sure. Marge has blue hair, Homer is fat and bald”.

A chap goes to the doctor and says “I keep seeing a werewolf, with big sharp teeth”. The doctor says, “have you seen a psychiatrist?” The man says “no, just a werewolf”.

Nurses are amazing people. They work long hours in stressful environments and (sometimes) deal with cranky patients—all while delivering loving care with a smile to their patients. Their days are as mentally and physically exhausting as they are rewarding. Yet ask any nurse why they do what they do and most will say it’s because they love to care for people. Having an extra funny bone helps nurses get through the day. Heck, being able to laugh in any situation lightens the day, whether they are funny dentist jokes in the waiting room, clever accounting jokes while you’re getting your taxes done, or witty work-from-home jokes you share on Zoom.

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10. A patient arrived at the ER via an ambulance with minor burns on his legs. His shoes and the bottoms of his jeans are charred. The doctor asks what happened, and the patient says he was trying to use a propane-powered weed burner in his yard, and things go out of hand. The doctor noted his breath reeked of alcohol and asked him if he had been drinking. The patient adamantly says no. The doctor couldn’t resist a setup like this and looked the man directly in the eye and said, “liar, liar, pants on fire.” Everyone had a good laugh, except the patient, who was so drunk it went over his head.

11. I went to visit my sister at the hospital, but after driving around the only parking spot I found was in the C section. I had to climb out of the sunroof.

28. Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, “As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children.” St. Peter opens the gates and lets him in.

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The last man says, “I was an HMO manager. I helped hundreds of families get cost-effective health care.” St. Peter replies, “You may enter, but you’re only approved for a three-day stay.”

The old lady depressed and wants to kill herself goes to the doctor and asks him "Where is the heart located?" The doctor tells her it is under the left breast. The old lady goes to the gun store and buys a gun, goes home and puts the gun under her left breast and pulls the trigger. The old lady was soon admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room. "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

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funny clean hospital jokes

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